How to Adjust Without Spiraling

(Because Something Will Go Off Script)

Let’s be real: we can have the best intentions, the most color-coded calendar, the prepped meals, the packed gym bag… and still, the day will derail.

The meeting runs over. The kid forgets their cleats. The dog eats something questionable, OMG, did II tell you the story about Poppy finding a dead rabbit? I am LEGIT still traumatized. Or, your hormones go rogue and suddenly everything feels extra.

Sound familiar?

If you're anything like me you've probably experienced that oh no moment where the plan falls apart… and you start to unravel with it.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned, lived, and now share with you:

It’s not the plan falling apart that causes the spiral. It’s the story we tell ourselves about it.

Why We Spiral (And What to Do Instead)

When things don’t go as planned, it’s easy to default to:

• “I’m failing.”

• “This always happens.”

• “What’s the point?”

• “I’ll just start over Monday.”

• "Why does God hate me?" - this from Zoe

  
  

But spiraling isn't about the situation, it’s about our reaction to the situation.

And that is something we can train. Just like building strength in the gym, you can build the skill of emotional flexibility.

Let’s Talk About Allostatic Load

There’s a scientific name for what happens when we carry the mental and emotional weight of “handling it all”—it’s called allostatic load.

Allostatic load is the cumulative burden of chronic stress and life demands on the body and brain. It’s what happens when your system is constantly adjusting to stay balanced under pressure—and never fully recovers.

I will give you an example...Thursday night, Zoe slept at her grandparents house. My phone rang @ 3:45 AM from Zoe complaining about her ear hurting. While I talked her off the ledge and told her where to find Advil at Grandma and Grandpa's my brain was turned on...as Adam rolled over and went back to sleep. My alarm went off @ 5:45 AM and I immediately set a reminder to call the doctor at 8:00 to make an appointment....Adam, still sleeping. That is the allostatic load.

In plain English? It’s the wear and tear on your body from always being “on.”

This matters for women, because:

• Studies show women report significantly higher levels of perceived stress than men, especially in midlife (hello, perimenopause + parenting + career).

• One 2020 study found that women had a 34% higher allostatic load than men, even after adjusting for income and education.

• Higher allostatic load is linked to fatigue, memory issues, poor sleep, increased belly fat, and a higher risk of heart disease and metabolic disorders.

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So when you spiral after a change in plans, it’s not just a mindset issue—it’s often a sign your system is tapped.

5 Ways to Adjust Without Spiraling

1. Pause the Panic. Breathe. Then Zoom Out.

When your brain starts spiraling, it’s in survival mode. Interrupt it. Take 10 deep breaths or step outside for 3 minutes. Then ask: Will this matter tomorrow? Next week?

Most of the time, the answer is no.

2. Name the Shift—Out Loud.

Say it (or write it): “Today is not going how I planned, and that’s okay.” Giving language to the disruption helps defuse the emotional response. It shifts you from reactive to responsive.

3. Change the Metric of Success.

If your plan was a 45-minute workout and the day imploded, maybe success today is a 10-minute walk and stretching while the pasta boils. That’s still a win. Redefine success based on your reality.

4. Reframe the Moment.

Instead of thinking, “I’m off track,” try:

• “I’m learning to pivot."

• “This is a chance to practice flexibility.”

• “I can still support myself, even in chaos.”

Words matter. Talk to yourself like someone you actually like.

5. Have Your “Minimums” Ready.

Create a personal list of bare-minimum habits that help you stay grounded. Maybe it’s:

• A glass of water before coffee

• A short walk after dinner

• A 5-minute journal check-in

• A protein-packed snack instead of skipping meals

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These little anchors help you feel steady even when the big stuff shifts.

For Women, the Pressure Is Real

Let’s name it: women are often expected to hold everything together. To anticipate needs. To do it all gracefully. So when things don’t go smoothly, it can feel like we’ve dropped the ball.

But you didn’t fail.

You flexed.

You adapted.

You kept going.

And sometimes that’s even more powerful than sticking to the script.

Real Talk From My Week

Just last week, I had a beautifully planned afternoon that unraveled by 4 PM. Storm rolled in, power went out and my to-do list morphed into a sushi takeout order and a couch nap. Current me? I’m calling it a pivot and a memory.

Flexibility isn’t weakness.

Letting go of perfect isn’t giving up.

Adjusting doesn’t mean you’re behind.

It means you’re human.

It means you’re growing.

And it means you’re choosing grace over grit-your-teeth rigidity.

So the next time the day goes sideways, ask yourself:

“How can I adjust without spiraling?”

Then do the next right thing—just one.

You’ve got this. And if you need a plan that bends with you, I’m here for that too.